3 Ways to Enhance Your Mental Health in Software Engineering [Part 1]

How to take care of yourself while working. How to put work in its right place.

Apr 04, 2024

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It’s strange how software engineering has very little to do with emotions, yet it can generate so many emotions, most of which can be negative.

If you are not mindful enough of what emotions you’re experiencing and how to regulate them, you’ll fall into the common trap of mental pitfalls that most software engineers fall into.

For example, imposter syndrome, comparisons, having very little confidence in your abilities, or having a very high ego.

I have been trapped in many of these issues throughout my career. From the beginning and even now after almost six years of industrial experience.

In this letter, I will discuss three actionable ways that help me overcome these traps. I hope they can help you too!

In the following weeks, we’ll discuss the rest of them to keep the letters more digestible.

So, let’s get to it…

#1 🚮 Ditch Comparisons

Humans are relativistic beings. Our brains tend to calculate our worth based on where we stand relative to other people.

But, is it true? Do we really need to be like others in everything or exceed others in everything?

Hmm, that’s not realistic. We come from different backgrounds, environments, and cultures. We have different personalities, interests, and so on.

So, how on earth would our paths and experiences be similar to others?

It just doesn’t hold.

Part of it we can blame on the highly competitive modern society. For example, the job market is soaring, we need to stand out, or else we’ll starve. That’s what they tell us at least.

At the start of my software career journey, I used to heavily compare myself to other brilliant minds in my team and compare my career growth to those who were in my same college class.

I went into a turmoil of self-doubt and performed poorly in my team. So, I had a rough start.

Once I realized what I was doing, the empty comparisons, and the needless stress I was putting on myself, I started to put all my energy and focus on my career.

Then, things started to shine for me. I began to see sustainable growth in my communication, technical, and business skills. I got promoted twice, and my salary received a significant bump over the years.

In short, it’s a lifelong struggle to fight your brain when it drifts and defaults to comparison.

💼 What you should do:

🛣️ Focus on the process, not the product: Put your full effort into making yourself better than the day before.

☝️ Focus on one thing at a time: Avoid overwhelming yourself with too many tasks simultaneously. For instance, if you aim to improve both your communication skills, tackle one task at a time. Focus on practicing active listening without interrupting others during meetings.

👞 Find your own pace: Growth is hard. It takes time and consistent effort. So, be patient with yourself. Experiment with different approaches until you find your own pace, whether it's slow, medium, or fast.

📝 Be consistent: Consistency doesn’t mean making the same amount of effort every day. It means making some effort every day, depending on your circumstances.

💤 Take breaks: There's nothing wrong with switching off completely. Always take that time off at regular intervals before you burn out. How? Listen to yourself.

#2 🛠️ Use Constructive Feedback to Grow Fast

I used to have a near-heart attack experience every time I saw someone sending me feedback. Before even reading the feedback!

Honestly, I still feel a part of it even to this day.

Most software engineers I worked with are perfectionists to some degree. I am one. I struggle with this sometimes.

So, receiving any critique is harsh. Because we default to perfectionism.

We are humans. We make mistakes.

The point is not how many mistakes you make or how bad your mistakes are.

The point is about how you iterate and fix those mistakes, how you learn from them, and your level of proactivity to fix them.

I noticed that when (1) I answered these questions for myself, (2) and proactively made a plan, my career growth started to take a different shape.

My self-worth started to get a different painting as well.

So, here’s what I found useful to manage my perfectionism.

💼 What you should do:

🕰️ Panic for a moment, but not for long: If you are like me and can’t help but panic, then allow yourself that. But, limit this panicking for a few seconds or minutes, and then start to make your logical mind intervene.

🎭 Remind yourself it’s not the end of the world: Someone has given you constructive feedback? So what? Allow yourself to make mistakes. Note the feedback down and start thinking about how to rectify those mistakes.

❓Ask yourself if the feedback is fair: You need to know if the feedback is unfair. So that you can address it with the person who gave it. You will need to make them aware of their misunderstanding, or what they are missing.

✅ Be honest with yourself: As an extension to the previous point, ensure your answer is honest. Don’t just bypass the blame on others. It’s not helpful to you. And, it can affect your image in front of your colleague/manager. Be sure you have thought about the feedback from different angles.

✍️ Note down actions: If you find the feedback is fair, write down a plan of actions you need to take to improve. If you are unsure, ask the person who has given the feedback. They usually help you with points to include in that plan.

📈 Evaluate yourself regularly: Don’t just write actions and never return to them again. No, make it like an OKR.

🧑‍💼 Share the plan with your manager: To hold yourself accountable. And, let your manager know how serious you are about your growth.

👩‍🔬 Don’t be afraid to speak up: If you find the feedback is unfair, don’t be afraid to speak up. Don’t deny your right to defend yourself. Because when you do that, your self-image stays strong and reliable.

#3 🙅‍♀️ Embrace Positive Feedback

Remember when I mentioned getting a near heart attack every time someone sends me feedback? That happens even with positive feedback.

Because I assume it’s negative. Or I assume it’s just sugar-coating to deliver constructive feedback. And, I start looking for constructive feedback in the text, which may not even be there!

If you tend to ignore positive feedback when you read it, then you’re like me; you assume the wrong things about it.

The person giving you the feedback doesn’t have to sugar-coat it.

And, even if they do, they’re still thinking that about you, or else they wouldn’t have said it!

Let’s assume they didn’t mean it. Why should you even care?

Your self-worth shouldn’t come from externals anyway. It should come from within. You should know what your strengths are to keep doing them.

💼 What you should do:

💪 Take positive feedback as a fact even if it’s not: Regardless of your assumptions, the person giving you the feedback has noticed something good about you. Embrace it. Keep doing it. Feel good.

😍 Give yourself positive feedback: As I said, you need to know where your strengths are to focus on doing them more. So, when you do impactful work, note it down somewhere. It’ll help you with your yearly self-review too.

👌Watch your ego: It’s crucial not to be overly proud of yourself. You need to stay humble. Only fools get deceived by their ego. Don’t be a fool. Remember, you are only human; you have both the bad and the good within you.

🎬 Final Words

Growth is a marathon, not a sprint.
Be patient with yourself.
Allow yourself to make mistakes. We all make mistakes (yes, even software engineers).
Be mindful of your self-talk. Intervene when necessary to stop comparing yourself to others.
Remind yourself of your pace. Don’t go beyond it unless you can.
Listen to yourself, and take breaks when you need to, before you burn out.
Make a plan to proactively address constructive feedback. Share that with your manager, to make them aware of your accountability.
Embrace positive feedback. Let it nurture you. Know your strengths because if you don’t know them, you might stop doing/being them.

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, let me know by hitting the like button ❤️ to help others find it on Substack, and share it to spread the love!